Friday, August 05, 2005

~~~Yawn~~~

I’ve had more thrills making up these spoof Apple/Aneros adverts than from sticking the fucking thing up my butt! It’s just not right my horny friends – it’s just not right.

I put too much stock in the Aneros and it has now made a complete Nixon-esque mockery of my mission.

I thought to myself “R~H~B~H – if you get this Aneros thing to work then you won’t need to wank no more/as much… Mo Wanking.” Isn’t that like a Spike Lee film/joint?

So Anyhoo, I’ve slipped like a non-repentant monk into a pool of ale and calligraphy, and back into the habits of “waxing the bishop” (one of the many names we have for it here in the UK).

To be fair though, I’ve not really had much of a go over the last week. I will persist! But the thing is – I’m like any other red-blooded male. After like 24 hours of no orgasm my mind starts to slump a bit. When it comes to 48 hours I’m just a heap of ginger melancholy. No good to man, woman, nor beast. It kind of scares me that after 48 hours I become a bit depressed if I haven’t jizzed. It doesn’t paint a good picture. Maybe I should try paint instead?

If the Aneros had done what it said on the tin then it wouldn’t be a problem – but its hard to function on a daily basis with that warm heavy delight between your legs that never ceases to remind you that it requires constant petting.

I’m a randy bastard really. I don’t know what I was thinking. I couldn’t even write about it as well as I would have liked because I was starting to find that even the keyboard was becoming a sensual vessel of fingertip titillation. At least I know how St. Augustine felt like now before he uttered those profound words, "Well smack my ass and call me a bitch!"

Sorry, I’m feeling remarkably uninspired at the moment and am beginning to see why those statistics make sense – that 54% of blogs stop being updated after three months from starting.

But hey! I’ve got a new iPod/aPod spoof!

Here…



6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

Hi!


What model of Aneros do you use?

7:31 am  
Blogger RedHeadBedHead wrote...

I use the Helix (interesting name I think) Thanks for asking. I was hoping they'd make a diesel version but nothing as yet. What about you?

It'd be great if they did the a~Pod Photo in real life! Maybe I should get a patent on that!

8:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

Who said you had to restrain from jizzing in order for the aneros to work?! Fuck that... I use the aneros and also masturbate, and I don't really make a mental connection between the two.

What you gotta do is relax. You sound too tense and intent on making it work. Just relax, insert, and try to forget its there. It'll work.

BTW, I'm FleshJoe "over there" :)

5:36 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

Hi!


I dont use it yet, I dont know which one to buy..:-)

the first anonymous...

9:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »

5:09 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

Excellent, love it! film editing classes

2:41 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home